Xmas Joke!

It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump
off.

His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he owes thousands of pounds to the bank.

Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.

"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.

The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.

"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you
three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!"

"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you, thank you!"

Father Christmas promises him that:

1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her
sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in
credit, you will have no outstanding bills.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for you?"

Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over.

After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water, Father Christmas asks the man how old he is.

"36" replies the man.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't you!?" chuckled the fat gay bloke in fancy dress.

The Holy Day has come and Santa Claus, as the fastest courrier, is ready to deliver their presents to the good children all over the world. So, after having his bath, he opens the wardrobe in order to take his suit. But as he draws it out, he sees in horror that a huge hole has been formed right at the belly-side. Immediatelly, he runs to his wife and asks her to "fix it". His wife however, with big audacity, answers:

- Can't do it right now, I am watching 'the bold and the beauty' on tv..
- .. But please! I can not get out like this, what will the people think?
- Patch it and iron it yourself.. and now silence, Paul is speaking!

Santa Claus, frustrated, takes the suit, puts the iron on power and starts to fix it muttering some kind words about his wife (of course not too loud.. ). After he finishes, he wears the suit and goes outside to load the presents into his magic sack and leave with his sleigh, but he notices that there was not even one goblin to help as it should. Furious he looks arround and finds one ..

- "Hey, what happened good goblin?" He asks. "Where have you all been? It is time to load the presents!"
- "My Santa Claus.. you know, we have formed a syndicate and decided a 24-hour strike, demanding due payment for all these years! I am sorry.. "

Santa is now seriously frustrated, but he tries to restrain his anger. He goes back, grabs his sack and starts to fill it with the toys on his own. A long while later, when he finishes, he walks towards the sleigh to load the sack and he notices that two of his reindeers were gaving birth right there and the rest were gone! Full of anger, he throws the magic sack into his sleigh, but it hits somewhere, opens wide and all the presents fell at the snow !

The anger of Santa Claus is beyond description. Still, he decides to have a whiskey to calm down. He goes back to his place and gets the bottle of Jack Daniels. But as he is about to fill his glass, the bottle slips of his wet gloves, fells down and breaks into 3000 pieces! Tosing smoke from his ears and cursing as never before, Santa gets the broom to clean the mess.. But he sees that most of it has been gone, eaten by mice! At this point, Santa's face is pure red and he is shaking of anger. He is in the process of taking deep breaths, when a cute little angel comes in the kitchen carying a huge christmas tree.

- Merry Christmas Santa! Thank god you are still here, I was afraid you'd left..!
- ...
- I brought this christmas tree, I was wondering if you could stuff it into your magic sack and deliver it somewhere for me. I don't suppose that will be a problem, right?
- ...
- So! Where shall I put it?

[...]

And from thereafter, it has been a custom to place the cute little angel on the top of the tree each year

Hahaha, who's angel and christmas tree is that Nske ? :lol:

eheh some innocent's! Google spares no one